wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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