I wish I only lived at night.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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