Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
