sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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