Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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