I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
