Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
