Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
