hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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