I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
