Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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