I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
