girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
