it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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