My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
