I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
