we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
