My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize