About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
