All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
