Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
