I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
