i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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