are you so shy because you have an std?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
