So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
