Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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