I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
