Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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