if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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