Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize