If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
