just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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