wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
