dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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