How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
3 2 1 whiskey
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
