My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize