You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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