The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
