I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
