So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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