I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
