im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
