who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
