i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
