Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
