My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
