i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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