what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
