ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't turn off my feet"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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