from now on my penis is your penis
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize