She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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