I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
