Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How's work?
Spinning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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