the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
