Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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