The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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