I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sext me about skeletons
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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