woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
