Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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