please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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