then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
