Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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