Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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