he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
