He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
