the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
