im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
