Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
