Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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