she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
