i was born a porn star she said
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize