Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
