Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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