why didn't you poke me back
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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