after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
