Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
